It’s not about you
Yet, why does it still hurt?
Potentially this has to do with our listening.
We seem pre-wired to react before we allow ourselves time to reflect. This makes us impulsive and regretful.
I had an encounter recently with a person who in a ‘nice’ way
criticized my competence and character. This wasn’t a carless comment, this was an hour-long conversation.
The criticism was wrapped in a nice way, “I’m only saying this because I care about you”.
I felt the anger mounting in my chest as I listened to his numerous critiques,
neither of which I knew to be true. Then half way though the conversation I questioned my
listening and asked myself, “What’s been going on in his life recently which would potentially
influence this ‘out the blue’ conversation?” Once he finished talking, I politely thanked him
for his time and left.
In reflection, I recognised that he has been going through a hard time in his personal and work life.
I then allowed my listening of the conversation to change as I accepted that his projection is not
a reflection of me, it is a reflection of the pain that he is currently carrying.
With this in mind, the anger I felt shifted towards compassion.
Remember, how someone treats you is not about you, it’s about them.
